Sunday, December 28, 2008

...Gives you Hair

(Taken by Kaelyn.Click for larger View Maaa)

Whooppeee I'm home! Malaysia's air has never been this smelly! Hello Malaysia! let see what happened since I left my royal throne :D!

start the music! 1, 2, 3 GO

Negara ku....
tanah ehh.. wah lupe plk
lame x skolah wahaa


Friday, December 26, 2008

...Make You Forget

Ello tharr mate! bless ye little hearts for readin' aand followin'. Listen to this old dude, hear what he has to say and snooze off in seconds. DearCoffeeDude is updating again :D. (ohom. I'm in no mood to write in a proper manner so haha bear with me. Pretend that others are reading it too.) Giving my fingers exercise since I finally got access to the internet thank dear god. hahaha here I am sitting at my new home on the coffee table since there's no other place or 'flat surface with sturdy legs' are around(-yet. kot) to place the computer. Haha Its not easy when you have cheap plastic ropes for hands and legs that always seems to be experiencing orgasm--whoohoops .yela yela I'm too hebat-ly poor to afford a nice, portable, colourful, SHINY laptop . That would certainly be useful but money 's pretty tight right now. (hmm doesn't it always?) gaha but peeps if you're waiting for me to complain about my life here, sorry to say you're out of luck haha. I dont want to complain about everything pointlessly (like everyone else here xD)

HAAAhhh Australia! (hahaha tukar topic senang gitu je) :0) best best. and x best. tapi best best. Its not really that different from our 'tanah melayu' if you pay attention to the little things going on. Australia gives you the same feeling you get when you're enjoying life in malaysia. You'd feel laid back, not really caring what happens. You'll gladly sit back and see life continue on like a movie. Cant really tell you wrether the ppl here are friendly or not since I dont walk up to each 'mat-salleh' and ask them : 'oi, you friendly ke taaak?'. The area I reside in , like you may have imagined, isn't just full of 'mat-salleh'. haha there's also a considerable amount of malays here and there and other kinds of foreing races originating from alien countries.

But what's different? hmm uhhh let see.. the lifestyle?? around here, moms are a lot younger xD. Oh and kids here makes a daily routine 'checking' their shoes for poisonous spiders in case they decide to make a home in your expensive footwear and be neighbours to your toes xP. ( hah leceh, aku pkai slipe toilet je ) oh oh and theres a lot of 'dongak-ing' for me around here. (yeayea I'm short! even for an asian!) :)

now onto the sad part.

okay since everyone I know from Malaysia are too lazy and dont give a cockroach's crap about contacting me, I figured that they'll eventually forget and completely erase my existent from their fugly heads. (hahaha kecoh mau touching pulek mamat ni :D. hahaha such is the life of mine.)So I practiced my social skills and charms, build up my self esteem and wished myself good luck , for I am about to face society itself. My attempt in communicating with other kids at the beach failed miserably. Few days after the tragedy, I finally managed to find myself a new friend. She lives down below on the second floor. Awfully shy, Kaelyn is the only australian who I managed to get a decent conversation from and without it ending with intentional vomiting (kidding la! jng bom malaysia!). Okay sure, she doesn't get almost all of my jokes and sure she's still a little shy but I couldn't help but sense that this relationship could actually last for a long

oh yeah! She's an ultra-vegan! xD (she only consume plants that died a natural death!

hahaha) hmm what's fun around here? entah! hoho all I can say is, we got a lot of sun, sand and surf! GREAT!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

...Gives you Extra Arms

Dearly missed hungry homeless dudes of Kl Central. May you find peace, delicious after-life delicacies and ACTUAL girlfriends. You all are a great loss. Rock on in the dusty graves.

...Hits you HARD!

woahh time is a busy man isn't he? he's damn quick I tell you .haaaaaa. So it seems that 'THE DAY' is nearer than we think. Wtheck is 'THE DAY' !? if you're under fifteen, you'll know. But if you're fifteen, and still don't know what the itik 'THE DAY' is... I cant explain how extraordinarily dumb you are. Been living in a cave have you? hahaha

'THE DAY' isn't the only day I'm out-of-my-pervvie-eyeball concerned about. 'THE OTHER DAY' (which is tomorrow) is the day, the dreaded days of days, --I'll be leaving that craphole I've created on the lands of Malaysia and embrace my futures on the lands of Australia pulek.

Sad isn't? hmmm not really haha! sure I'll be losing some close friends, sure I'll be leaving dear btho, and sure Malaysia will not survive in the fast developing world without me (wahaha). But really, how can all that be sad?. If you see things in orange and green its a different case. But seriously, new things cant really hurt anybody right? haha I could sure use some changes in my life. Maybe changing it from nothing to errhh... nothingnothing? :o

As for the word 'rindu' used by you earthlings, commonly used in situations associated with moving away and such, it doesn't really apply itself in my case. haha Why would I miss anything? Nothing here is noteworthy enough for me to 'rindu' hahaha sad country ain't it? hahaha okay that was just me trying my new ego-move. Truth is, I'll miss everything from the tiny bacterias of the streets, to my foolish minions erh great friends haha, my former main source of education (which lacks proper facilities xD), to the most meaningful things in my life such as my beautiful imaginary girlfriend Flembaghh, and my essential 'Malaysian Coffee'. Woahh bile pikir balik.. Ho'shit! I dont wanna move!! aaaaaarrgh!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

...Gives you Hallucinations

click for bigger view maa

Take us home! we're house trained and we know how to make cookies! :D

Friday, December 12, 2008

...Makes you 'high'

WEYY! one more post with an irrelevant title! (insert akon's 'Weehooh' sound here :D) Toodayh I went to Midvalley with my mom and she, not surprisingly does her usual nagnag thang to further proof how miserable and pityful my life is xD. Apparently, she read and interesting article somewhere on the internet and decided to give me a lecture about 'being a true malay'. Not listening to her bitey words I kept a straight face and only managed to (unfortunately) hear: 'bodoh' ' jangan!' 'tak baik' 'we as mal--' 'EH! esti loder ade sale!!! '. So, not really in the mood to be in 'rebellious mode' , I think I'm gonna break it down in Bm --je lah! :B

okeng erh soo hari ni mak plk cari pasal nk torture hamba dng kata2 manis beliau. Hamba diterangkan secare mendlm tentang 'being a true malay'. Hahaha isi isi menatang lecture ni dah short-cut exit kluar telinge kiri hamba so x detail sngt kot! kata2 manis beliau bile smpai otak slow hamba tibe2 jadi masam.

Mak berkate, ' kite sebagai org melayu, perlula menghormati adat2 org melayu dan mengamalkanya *blank* blank*blank* (x ingt) . 'oi awang are you ignoring me?'

hamba pula, 'eh no la mother dearest, harhar how could I?' 'Tapikan, mak bkan org cina ka? alaa u know yg suke herbal tea yg x sedap sngt tuh'

Mak hamba, 'Hoisshh! bdk ni! mak ni kire malay la! ahem selain itu, kita juga perlu menghormati culture bangsa2 jiran kita yang *blank* blank*'

Hamba menjawab,' mak, x jwb lagi my question laa!'

Mak bersambung,' sbb tu la kite kene pkai sopan2, ckap sopan2, supaya menjaga nama dan reputasi bangsa! '

Hamba, ' erh x layan ke x dngr ni?'

Mak sekali lagi bersambung, 'Sebagai bangsa majority di malaysia yang serba indah ni, kita harus *blank*blank*blank*'

Hamba yg sudeh bingung, 'sah mak x layan ni'

Mak pon bersambung, 'Untuk memelihara keharmonian negara malaysia yg serba in--*blank*blank*

maka hamba, 'indah lagi bontot syafiq!'

Mak pon berkata, ' Oih! bodoh ke hape? jng ckp BI sngt! Bahasa Malaysia itu adalah *blank*blonk*'

Hamba dng peningnya, ' bile pulek Haz--'

Mak terus, '-- Berbanggala dng Malaysia, berbanggala sebagai seorang Mel-'

Hamba, ' aduyaiii x layan lagi!!! (dlm pikiran: 'mek maafklan aku! aku insaf xD')'

Mak, ' Eh!! Esti Loder ade Sale! hold my bag! I need to get myself a new *blank*blank*'

Hamba dng sedihnya,' hypocri--'

Mak secare tibe2, ' did you say something? Hippo-what?'

Hamba pon, ' Eerrk hehe you know, kat sane tu ade Hipponakmampus x-factor show.. hohohh'

Mak, 'Hippokobaliknaikbus la bo-*blaaaaaaaaank*'

Hamba trus pengsan di crime scene.

(arh arh arh no disrespect meant for my mom and her furry handbag ppl :D moral of the postnya : PRACTICE WHAT YOU PREACH hahaha :o)

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

...Makes you Clueless

Due to my previous post, the greatest post evarr. A lot of ppl are aware about my deadly mental illness. They say I need special medical attention. I say they're just jealous coz I can eat cheesecake with my own sexy way hahaha.

Ohho now that I've drag your minds into a swirl of delicious cheesecake fantasy, Cheesecake Crap is a blog I've recently followed. haha Its a nice pretty blog telling you the daily life and activities of Dea. Good things happen, Bad things happen. The blog itself is pretty simple and neat. No need to strain your old eyes reading small text and kaffillion of colored text. I take it Dea likes to keep it simple? :D And no, Its not your typical cheesy teenage dilemma novel (despite the name hahaha). Oh yea this one blogger updates her blog quick! Overall its a fun blog to read with a nifty title haha. ( Reading it while stuffing cheesecake in your mouth is recommended people!)

Next is the first blog I followed (in blogger la harhar) Blogger ; Mek boring name but dear lord the posts are insanely funny and is anything but boring. Need a laugh or just plain bored, Mek's blog is your starting point for a trip to a laughing ecstasy. It is a blog based on pure madness I think? haha Sometimes giving readers a peek of her life while still managing to squeeze out a giggle out of readers. Haha! with Mek's blog, who needs Teevee anymore? (hmmm ni ptt yg first, o well haha)

Shlampadinka is another blog I enjoy reading, a blog by Aqilah. Best best. I like to think of it as a mixture of Dea's blog and Mek's hahaha. A blog for ppl who enjoys decent reading and tak mau penat2 bace text panjang2 (mcm blog mamat sorang ni haa xP) . Simplified with funny dialogs so you really know whats going on. Hahaha its a lot like reading celebrity news! x) Oh yea! That Farting with the Stars video almost killed me. thanks a lot! hahahahaha (note: this blog could maybe be the only blog from a girl that doesn't include being crazy about 'twilight' xD)

Eh! lu sume mau alam klok for pagi2? Ring-A-Ding-Ding is the blog for you. Haha. Pagi2 dh update, newspaper x dtng lagi hahahaha (okay not really xD) Nice title kan? a blog full of posts. Like Dea, she's a constant updater. Preferring to write short post so readers wont end up getting a severe headache. Nice to see someone actually write things based on life, unlike someone I know who writes piles of crap! (youch perli diri sendiri xD)

yup those are the only blogs that I think worth reading hahaha (yng lain x best! ahhaha no la). Looking forward for new updates and more blogs from others so I dont use my eyes staring a the ceiling all the time.

(I still own the internet right? :D)

Haziq's Best Blog Evarr Award nominees:
-'Cheesecake Crap'
-'Blogger ; Mek'

--and the winner is:
- 'A coffee a day...' (I still rule the world! bwahaha suckers! xD)

...Turns you Green.


I suck! :D

omg! my greatest post evarr! I rule! yes I do! I own the internet now! you ppl shall call me Britney from now on! It shows how great I am! Obey! remember, I OWN YOU ALL!
:'D mama's gonna be soo proud..

Haziq's Outstanding Achievement in Nonsense Award goes to:

ooh! yeah! woah! I'm touched! this means so much to me! I dunno what to say! I cant see it but I definitely appreciate it! Ehem I would like to thank myself for being so freakishly awesome! and would also like to thank myself for looking so freakishly awesome and uhh *tears* THANKS!....waitwait! I'm not finished! To all of my fans, I would like to tell you how much I dont give a damn about you guys! but keep supporting meh! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)

Epic Blog Spam of Legendary Failness ends here.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

...Makes Syafiq Fly

ernnghh Now is the perfect time for me, your friendly neighborhood car washer all the way from Australia hahaha (an inside joke between me and Azhar). Ehem, let me start again.

ernnghh Now is the perfect time for me to write a lil something for our dear Syafiq. I woke up late, I haven't ate breakfast yet, I haven't bathe yet and I haven't even brushed my chompers yet! ahhaa so clearly this is the perfect time to bring you further into my small smelly world (seriously, I need a shower NOW) and write the long-awaited post about the 'famous' Syafiq! Aaah I can hear those syafiqfangirls screaming! (or is that the sreams of ppl who smelled the air? sorry my fault hoh hoh).

Different from the rest of the gang ( more like, different from the rest of the world) I met him a few years back in the young days where the world looked soooo big, and cartoons were like political debates on teevee. Me and Syafiq share a few secrets from the past that we would prefer not telling anyone hahaha.

Moving on. compared to the younger days where sex and girls had no place in our little heads, the 'now-syafiq' is waaaayy too different. In a good way (yeke? haha). He used to say to me 'I'm a new man.' with his own flare and zest-- AAAND his own hands-on-hip-pose thingie (syafiq pose number one he calls it). He is now more reliable (erh maybe not) Smarter (um nope) braver (no) stronger ( hmm NO) and more handsome (If yes,The world ends too soon). Kesimpulannya, He's a 'GREAT' dude :D.

Does puberty has anything to do with it? well yeah! according to syafiq that is. he said ' Puberty, my friends, is a brainwashing process where they insert magical things in your mind giving you a whole new feeling and a whole new NEED ( a strong emphasis there xD) and a whole new view of the world around us. Erotic images where also formed during our dreams. As for our physical...blah blah snore' he adds ' Therefore we are now hairy monsters who likes girls wearing their least, thanks to PUBERTY. yes friends, puberty puberty puberty' (syafiq's 'echo effect', failed) . what? first you're Kapten Boleh now you're a philosopher? great!

As hard as I try to make him sound like a sicky ol perv, I really cant haha. Syafiq likes to spend his day hanging out with us, giving us rounds of jokes that only sounds funny to him. Sometimes when we're feeling nice, we all do our own unique 'fake laughs' ('fake giggle' for Kila) to keep him from being embarrassed. Doing the 'tak layan' move was reserved specially for Mek. lucky guy.

Throughout the years this one guy survived life's horrible habit to be mean to him. He can now call himself a 'Survivor' (haha more like 'procrastinator') enduring tough times and rewarded greatly every now and then. Rather than fitting in like everyone else, Syafiq prefers to fit in his own way.

Syafiqfangirls! I give you, the one and only, SYAFIQ! syafiq syafiq syafiq (ow damn he got me doing it now!)

Haziq's Great Friend Awards goes to:
- Syafiq ( Keep doing what you do bub)

Haziq's Outstanding Weirdness Award goes to:
-Syafiqfangirls (U gals keep doing what you all do too! scream)

Sunday, December 7, 2008

...Kills the Mood

antare yg slalu free kot hahaha

...Makes Aqilah go WHEEE

miss me? no? sure you do! because I said so! okay? still no? then let me do my famous clown dance.
now do you miss me? no? why not? FINE! I dint miss all of you either! you know who I miss/rindu? Dem loco pip kall er Keela

Oh yea posts about Nash and Syafiq, no matter how painful this is going to sound, needs to wait until I sort out interesting stuff, funny-to-me insults and lots and lots of naked pic of them first. But Kila being herself (despite attending khusus agama hahaha) sweet-talked me to write a post about her on my blog, for added publicity on her way to the sparkling road towards fame and fortune.

A hem. Kila kila kila where to start.. oh yes! I should probably tell you how much I hate her hahaha. Yes I do hate her for the fact that she caused the tsunami tragedy that killed many innocent and not so innocent lives. Ohho yes she did it! blame it on her! God I swear I hate her!
Gifted with the supernatural power to produce acidic and corrosive saliva from her genetically advanced salivary glands, Kila has the power of a rejected comic villain at her disposal. She's capable of causing serious itching, major injuries, excessive bleeding, and make you grow large boobs in an instant with the help of her green colored fluid of enzymes. Kila enjoys doing evil and thus people around her suffer her constant talkslashsalivasprayattack. Girls who cares deeply for their skin fear her and boys grow boobs for her amusement. Once a victim, you are damaged beyond repair friends. I should know.

As scary and non-realistic as she sounds, she still shares some of our humanly traits. Namely, she the oh-damn-awesome Kila could not deny how much I RULE like the rest of the world. She also, proving herself to be quite normal, INSTANTLY DIE at a mere reminder that i'm a tad bit taller than her. ha ha ha ha

as for the non dramatic (and made up) side of her, I found her to be the most 'gigglish' girl I've ever met. Giggle there giggle here. A simple yo mama joke could trigger her annoying sequence of horse-like giggles. And thus, down came the rain of corrosive saliva torturing us while she simply giggles her troubles away.

Watch out, she's back..

Haziq's Great Friend Award goes to:
Aqilah(take it and pls dont hurt me)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

...Makes You Complain

Woahh what a boring day. It's so boring, someone could eventually die from it. Seriously, boredom can kill people. The sad truth. But fear not! You can now protect yourself from being a victim of boredom's clutches. Scientist of highest qualifications finally confirmed a way to prevent oneself from dying of boredom! This great achievement, capable of saving millions of innocent lives is called, HOBBIES. Wooohh Yeah! Go dickheaded scientists! You make us proud to call ourselves foolish underlings by attacking us with mean sarcasm--of unimaginable doom!

But thats not what I'm really here for. WTF should I write about being bored? (its what everyone else seems to do) who in the great great world cares? Dont write about being bored, its boring to read about your boring life.

So back to before I start lecturing imaginary boring people. I'm actually here to write about criticisms received at the most untimely of times. Criticism there, Criticism here, Criticize over there, Criticism back here, Criticism on my left, Criticism on my right, up down and so on (typing criticism is really hard!). I wont say who committed this terrible act of 'compassion' (yeah and Jessica Simpson is my grandma) but it broke the limit of my 'Irritation Meter'.

So to express how angry I am, I will now scream my lungs out ( don't worry, you cant hear a thing! its the internet magic!)

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa *will be continued later*

Argh who cares if I enjoy doing nothing!
who cares if I sat on the couch for 3 hours!(its fun)
Who cares if my hair looks funny!
Who cares if I look sleepy all the time!
Who cares if I 'socialize' with my camera more than I socialize with people!
Who cares if I don't like those curly gay wigs ( Jonas Barbers) or that untalented plastic hospital gloves (Hannah Fake-Tan-Aaa or Miley Virus)!
Who gives a damn about my unhealthy tendency to merepek?
Who DIES if I like coffee more than my friends?




Okay seriously, what's your frickin problem? Leave me be hahaha
I'm happy with the way I am (bukan 'asalkan bahagia' ka?) No need to fill me up with crap!
I'm a big big girl! EH! big boy!! (intentional)

Soo there, another pointless post, FULL of unnecessary exaggerations from your 'favorite' blogger! I better go and hide somewhere before people complain about me complaining or or or before people criticize me for criticizing people who criticize me. xD (seiwatt?)

oh ye! sambungan:





Haziq's Fuck You Award Goes to:
Mrs Creep-e-cizer (stop pls haahaa)