Friday, October 30, 2009

...Turns You Grey

and here lies, another child, another creature of god.
here lies the deceased. Eyes forever shut. Slumbering with Peace.

born into this world. without a clue of how it can really be.
pale skin, an even paler sense of reality.
A life of imagination starts here.
Daydreaming since 1993.

He would ask his mother. Why was he born without wings.
She couldn't answer.
He would say.
I belong among the clouds. Not here.
(he was obsessed about extraterrestrial beings)

He was a son. A brother. A friend to himself.
he was also getting older.
already branded the title 'failure'
He wasn't the most responsible son.
(he was the 'slow' one)

And so he begins his search.
for the family he never had.
Among strangers. Among friends.
His plans coming to shape day by day.
(he was always this weird)

But disappointment came first. As always.
again he tried, again he failed.
failing is now a part of him.
These are the factors that shapes him to what he was.
(he gets all the 'bad' genes)

He grew bitter overtime.
Friend by friend.
Lover by lover.
Enemies by enemies.
(he prefers being sour actually)

His hard exterior blinded people from his soft interior.
starting a relationship with insults rather than kind words.
and thus people treat him terribly.
trying to break that hard shell and expose all the weaknesses within.
(he likes shrimps)

A lover of everything different.
he does things his own way.
not caring what happens.
not caring what people think.
(he does care alot about being short!)

Though Born with a bad right eye.
he was an observer.
This became a past-time favorite.
now with a camera in hand, the world IS his art.
(he cant even hold the camera without shaking.)

Eventhough he was not physically strong.
he has a strong heart.
he holds firmly onto what he believes in.
Using his sharp mouth as a main weapon.
(he hates his braces)

Never ceasing to ambush his mates with annoying jokes.
they say you are what you choose to be.
he prefers, you are what you eat.
(he still thinks its funny)

One day, what happens to be an investigation act.
he met new strangers.
they became friends.
they didn't understand him, but they tolerated him.
(he was part of the CSI craze at that time)

Soon he was part of an African tribe.
close enough, he thought.
this could be what he was always searching for.
mistake number 568890.
(he lost count a long time ago)

So happy yet so angry.
He is always determined.
to make every second of his and his friend's life an epic adventure.
he was always an adventurer.
(Introduce him to a lil kitten, he'd run)

However, things always gets ugly.
he knew.
one wrong choice.
he always knew.
(add math, he dint knew too much)

He cant change who he is.
there were no words, there were ALWAYS no words.
he spoke with his watery eyes.
the deal is done.
(a part of him died there in smtg)

Dear new friends.
this is haziq.
this is the haziq you would've known.
this is the haziq that was never given any chance.

Fuck you.

spirit and soul blessed.
may he forever rest in peace.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

... Makes you GOLEK.

DU.. du.. DU.. du.. DU..

friends. Buddies.

hate to say it but this topic is WAaaaAY overrated. And I don't usually go for those.
However, it is always a question that intrigues my dim mind to write something on this seriously neglected blog of mine. Forgive me, the kepoyoan starts here:

the question. A very close friend of mine asked me this. Why are you always happy? Dun dun dun. Happy? HAPPY? have you not been paying attention?

but thats the reality of life--er my life. I keep for myself a group of friends I consider dearest to me. How is it not apparent to them how my life is? am I not considered dear to them? Maybe I never told them. Maybe its them who never paid any attention.

let see. I'm the noisy one. sometimes. does that mean I don't enjoy quit light conversations? I'm the one with the ideas. does that mean I'm happy all the time? what happened to those times where I needed support? my 'fragile' mode?

'fragile mode'?? bile pulak? ko asik happy je.

prihatin seseorang kawan.


I define thos dearest to me as not only the ones who i can be myself and sakai my way to hell..but also the ones I seek when I needed help or even attention. Oh how it hurts. Kawan utk berseronok je rupanyaa.

maybe I cant blame them. Living in a half-daydreaming life- maybe I never showed them whats underneath those colorful cloud.The reality?


kepoyoan bermula kembali.

well uh. I am happy. despite my lack of many things, I still have the bestest friends the world could ever hope for. and now its proven that maybe they're not the 'bestest' anymore. hmm still happy ka?

my dear friends. I know its awkward to see me like this. yeah i know hilang cool. but happy is not all i am. yelah tk selalu. but still-- dont you think that I too feel these things? aku pon boleh?

hmm. I faced lots of problem with my height. (people thinking i'm young/girls are unattracted to me/ I'm gonna die alone/etc). thats one. My family thinks I'm a failure. Abah panngil aku 'bengap'. kegedikan aku yg tk dpt nk control. wanita muntah tngok perangai aku. two, three, and four. thats a lot! knp happy? because of you guys. But then, timbul itu soalan. hilang happy?


p/s: I f i dont own my dear camera, would we still be friends?

kepoyoan ends here ladie and gentlemen. feel free to ignore. :)